Daddy is an idiot. Honestly, I can’t think of a word that describes him better. I’ve known this for years, of course, but it didn’t directly effect me until recently, when he decided it was past time I got married. His hasty decision concerning me probably had something to do with the little incident involving the goat, the strawberry jam, and the priest, but I’m just guessing…

If all he’d decided was that I needed to marry, I wouldn’t have protested quite so much as I did. Despite the lack of intelligent princes, I was hopeful I could find one or two who showed a spark of wit and open-mindedness, if nothing else. I would’ve been married off within the year, if that had been the extent of his scheming. No, in typical idiotic fashion, he also decided I must marry someone who was brave, strong, and chivalrous. It didn’t occur to him I’d rather marry my horse than one of the snobby, serious, knight-in-shining-armor types.

To make matters worse, Daddy proclaimed the prospective grooms would go through a test before winning my hand. An announcement like that was sure to bring nothing but brainless, brawny males – why would a smart prince risk his neck for one piddling princess?

So Daddy made his little decree, and sure enough, within a month thirty “heroic” princes, lords, and knights showed up at the castle just waiting to try their luck against the test Daddy devised. All I could do was hide in my room and pretend to have a headache.

“Princess Alora, your father requests your presence in his inner chambers,” a servant called through my bedroom door.

Check that, I could try and hide in my room. Well, it worked for a few weeks, at least. “Coming.”

Within a few minutes, I was standing in his private inner chambers and doing my best not to cringe. Daddy has always been rather intimidating – maybe it’s because he’s three times my size, or maybe it’s his glowing, red eyes… I’ve never quite figured out exactly what about him scares me. He’s still an idiot, though.

“Good morning, Your Majesty. I trust you slept well?” I asked. It doesn’t pay to anger Daddy early in the morning.

He grinned at the top of my head and absently patted my shoulder. I barely kept myself from collapsing to my knees. “Yes I did, my dear. I called you here because I would like to tell you what the test for your hand in marriage is going to be.”

“Oh?” I smiled. I truly was curious about what was going to be deciding my fate…and whether there was anything I could do to completely botch it up.

“After spending countless nights pondering what kind of test would be right, I decided to do this the old fashioned way and hold a tournament. Whoever wins the tournament also wins your hand in marriage!”

Oh dear.

Daddy paced the length of the room as he continued to explain his scheme. “In the first round, your suitors will duel each other. Once it is down to just twelve suitors, the second round shall begin, in which Trallin, a demon-for-hire, will test their abilities. Only the noblest, bravest, and strongest of your suitors will be able to win against his inhuman skill.”

Well, there went all hope of marrying a semi-intelligent male.

“In fact… Come here, Trallin!” There was a shuffling noise, and a moment later a body cautiously walked through another doorway. I couldn’t see much beyond the large, brown cloak and sword strapped to his back, but he seemed to have glowing green eyes which glinted at me from within the safety of his cloak, and he had a vaguely humanoid body.

I blinked. I was used to glowing eyes, courtesy of Daddy, but… that was, without a doubt, the biggest sword I’d ever seen in my entire life! How did he carry around something that was taller than him and as wide as me? Okay, okay, he was a demon, and that probably explained it, but still!

Despite the sword, he made a sweeping bow and murmured, “Good morning, Princess Alora. It’s a pleasure to meet the daughter of the man who is paying me so well.”

Feeling just slightly off-kilter from the compliment – if it could even be called a compliment – I gave a curtsy and mumbled automatically, “Thank you, Master Trallin.”

Daddy laughed jovially, pleased we were getting along so well, and announced, “Let us make our way to the dining hall, to feast and celebrate in my daughter’s name!”

*******

For the next few days, I watched my suitors use all the cheap tricks and brutish strength at their disposal, as one pair of muscle-bound idiots after another clashed in the field of honorable battle. The entire kingdom was invited to watch, so all the fights were held in the stadium. Daddy made a nice little side profit from the ticket and food sales.

We, of course, had front-row seats. In the too-bright sunlight, I saw every gash, every bruise, every grunt, every drop of sweat, and every leer in my direction. Sometimes the knights even winked or blew kisses at me. Wonderful. I started to keep a running list of people to sabotage. The list was getting pretty long…

Trallin, the demon-for-hire, was sitting next to me and looked as bored with the proceedings as I felt. It was a little hard to tell, due to his cloak, but every once in awhile I saw his glowing eyes roll in exasperation, and he slumped down in his chair, as if taking a nap. I wished I could do the same, but Daddy would not be pleased.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if the suitors were skilled at fighting, but too many of them used the hack-first-think-later technique. I appreciate a good fight, one where it’s obvious both fighters are masters of their art, but these people were simple hack-and-kill warriors. It was like watching two peasants beat each other to death over a piece of bread, and just as unsatisfying to the common spectator.

Finally the first round of the tournament ended, and I crawled to the library, craving something which wasn’t quite as mindless. Maybe Plato or Aristotle…

To my surprise, the demon-for-hire was already in the library. His cloak tumbled around him as he sprawled in a heavily padded chair. From the firelight flickering in the fireplace, I could just make out a long, lanky body. Well, he looked human enough.

“Master…Trallin?” I asked.

He blinked and looked up at me, startled. “Princess Alora, I thought you went to sleep! Surely you want to rest your mind for the final round tomorrow.”

“I’ve not had need of my mind lately, and I shan’t need it again till after the tournament.”

“Ah.” He sounded amused. “In that case, sit down for a little while and talk to me. We could even play chess if you want. Your dear father told me that you love to play, but rarely find a worthy opponent.”

I raised an eyebrow and felt a smile reluctantly work its way over my lips. “Fine.”

*******

The next day was Round 2. Things were a lot more interesting now that it was Trallin’s turn to play around with my suitors. Whoever wasn’t knocked out of competition yesterday now got to pit their skills against Trallin’s.

Last night’s enlightening conversation with the unique demon didn’t leave much hope for my would-be husbands, not when he’d been to so many places and fought so many people, picking up techniques and honing his style as he went.

Trallin threw off his cloak for the fight time ever, revealing to my eyes his figure for the first time. To my delight, he turned out to be quite the handsome demon without the cloak. He kept his long, dark blue hair tied back in a loose ponytail, although tendrils escaped to frame a slender, tanned face. Broad shoulders tapered down to a slender waist and muscled thighs.

The knight snorted through his visor, making a muffled whooshing sound as it came out, and charged his opponent, his body clanking thunderously as he managed to run in the unwieldy armor. Trallin didn’t move till the last second, and brought his impressively-sized sword down with a fluid grace right on top of the knight’s helmet, which cracked in two and fell to the sides. The knight went down, weakly pushed himself to his elbows, and fell flat on his face with a hearty groan.

The first fight was over in ten seconds flat. It helped confirm an idea that popped into my mind while playing chess with him yesterday. If Trallin proves to be as good with the sword as he said, then I just might be able to save myself from marrying one of my moronic suitors…

Trallin more than proved himself worthy as the fights progressed at an amazingly fast pace, cutting down the competition left and right. As the day wore on and Trallin didn’t slacken his pace one bit, Daddy began to get a little nervous. He was worried that he’d hired too good a fighter… At the rate the demon was going, all of my suitors would be eliminated from the tournament by the end of the day. This wasn’t exactly what Daddy had in mind – he wanted at least one of them to win! On the other hand, I couldn’t have been more delighted.

It came down to the last suitor, a guy who was shaking in his shining armor and left a puddle where he was standing. Trallin grinned, displaying pointed canine teeth that grew even longer as they glinted in the sun. The guy squealed and ran in the other direction, clanking all the way.

Daddy glared, while I struggled to hold back a grin of my own. Finally, Daddy raised his hand and said, “Enough!! You’ve done your job too well, Trallin!”

Trallin bowed in Daddy’s direction. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

Daddy’s glowing red eyes burst into flames. Literally. Oh dear, he was just a trifle mad…

“Your Majesty,” I began after successfully fighting back the urge to laugh, “I have a solution to this problem.”

Daddy looked at me warily. “And what would that be?”

“Let me marry Trallin.”

I wasn’t expecting Daddy to take my suggestion well, but really, he completely overreacted. Strangling my prospective groom wasn’t going to help me out!

“Daddy, calm down!” I huffed. “Stop strangling him for a minute and listen to me!” I stomped my dainty foot to make my point, and blinked as it went straight through the wooden floor.

Reluctantly, Daddy stopped what he was doing and nodded.

“You told me that whomever won the tournament also won my hand in marriage. Well, he won! He also managed to defeat all my suitors, which makes him brave, strong, and chivalrous, just like you wanted.” And even more importantly, from my perspective at least, he played a good game of chess. Not that I was going to tell Daddy.

“Well…he is a demon, but…you’re right, my daughter! By his actions here today, he has proven himself worthy of your hand.” He turned and faced Trallin, who’s face was still slightly blue. “Trallin, as the winner of today’s tournament, I give you my daughter’s hand in marriage!”

I rolled my eyes. He liked being over-dramatic.

Trallin gaped at Daddy, then at me, back at Daddy, back towards me… I got the impression he hadn’t expected this, from the way his eyes bugged out. Of course, that could have been a side effect from the recent attempt at strangulation.

Daddy frowned. “Well? Say something!” he commanded, looking displeased once again.

Trallin backed up one step, then another. “Um…thank you for the…honor…but …I…wasn’t… um… she’s very lovely, but…I… Goodbye!”

I sighed as I saw him speeding away from the stadium, leaving small dust clouds in his wake. Oh well; I’ll have to chase after him, but that could prove to be a lot of fun.