I’m sick and tired of not knowing what I want to major in. I’m sick and tired of telling people that I don’t have a major, but I plan on English. I’m sick and tired of people asking what my major is. I’m sick and tired of taking crap-classes. I’m sick and tired of going to classes that I don’t really care about, that I’m taking just because I have to take classes. I’m sick and tired of all the people. I’m sick and tired of the homework, of trying to cram just one more piece of worthless information in my brain. I’m sick and tired of EVERYTHING! I’m sick of going to class to learn things, when I teach myself everything I’m truly interested in. I’m sick and tired of feeling like a loser because I’m sick and tired of everything. I’m sick and tired of pulling myself down because I’m willing to do anything but go to class. I’m sick and tired of the constant tests. I’m sick and tired of always feeling like I’m going to fail. I’m sick and tired of waiting for grades to arrive. I’m sick and tired of the language requirements. I’m sick and tired of taking a language I don’t really care about, and will forget anyway. I’m sick and tired of sweating in my seat because I’m afraid the teacher will call on me. I’m sick of having to force myself to wake up every single fucking day and step out that door. I’m sick of having to spend hours convincing myself that going to class is worth it, that it’s all for a better cause. I’m sick of the pointless classes where all I learn is trivial nonsense I’m going to forget anyway, because I’ve lost all interest in the subject…or had no interest in the first place. I’m sick and tired of feeling like I’m always being judged…and found wanting. I’m sick and tired of going to classes I don’t care one flying fuck about. I’m sick and tired of being scared to go to class. I’m sick and tired of having to FORCE myself to go to class, when everything in me wants to stay away. I’m sick and tired of losing that battle. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m sick and tired of living up to other people’s expectations. (“You should join clubs! They’re essential! You really have to start thinking about your future… Join a few extracarricular activites.” Right. Like I’m going to be able to force myself to go to ANYTHING when I can’t even force myself to go to the Manga and Anime Society meetings. “College is essential in this day and age. You have to have a major.” First you have to know what you want to do. I don’t. And somehow, I doubt I’m going to find it here.) I’m sick and tired of the constant, nagging pressure. I’m sick and tired of feeling worthless. I’m sick and tired of trying to figure out what to do with my life. I’m sick and tired of others asking what I’m going to do with my life. I’m sick and tired of hiding in my room. I’m sick and tired of not answering the phone because I’m not supposed to be there. I’m sick and tired of my shyness, and my rising fear of crowds. I’m sick and tired of hiding everything from the people I love. I’m sick and tired of feeling guilty. I’m sick and tired of keeping my faults, my fears, my anger, my tears locked away. I’m sick and tired of my mask.

I’m sick and tired. Can I go home now?